Phuket Connection

(Leaked letter via Phuket Connection)

Dear Mrs Suu Kyi,

Dealing with your new politicians from the ranks of the Military Junta is a nightmare. Sorry, but those guys spend too much time on the golf course. In any case I hear that you are now the best person in Burma to contact. (Or do you prefer Myanmar?)

Firstly I’d like to thank whoever is responsible for sending the refugees who provide us with our cheap labour. Thailand, let alone Phuket, can’t do without them. We, part of the Ma Fia Corporation - southern chapter- located in Patong ‘Boom Boom’ Town, are overdeveloping Phuket on a grand scale.

We employ thousands of your people on our most dangerous building sites. They’re good workers, especially the women. They’ll work high on old bamboo scaffolding - in flip flops, without safety belts and hard hats! They’ll work in liquid cement in bare feet. Our Thai workers wont do that any more. They’ve now got rights. They demand 200 Baht per day - that’s just over £4 in international money - and spend half the day on their mobile phones.

My job is to keep your workers in line. I do this by holding back their wages, half of which we keep for agents’ commissions. It’s a sweet deal for us (and there could be something in it for you.) However, we have a problem. Your women are developing bad backs lifting bags of cement, steel girders, and so on. This slows us down and we get behind schedule.

Now don’t misunderstand me. We’re not asking for compensation. We don’t work like that. We beat them up, or shop them to our immigration people who deport them. They sometimes put them on boats, tow them out to sea and leave to them it.

What I’m asking for is a more effective vetting system. We only want the strongest. We don’t need softies from cities. We prefer your ethnics, those who hump through mountainous jungle trying to stay ahead of your soldiers. Carrying all their possessions around for a few years develops stronger muscles. Plus they can’t read or write and have no ID. They’re ideal.

So how was your incarceration by the lake? Same same? Okay, so good luck. Oh. If you haven’t spent all the money from the Nobel Peace Prize award, why not invest it in hardwood tress? Let us know how many you have and we’ll tell our man in the Thai government. He’ll organise transportation and payment. You can expect to at least double your money.

We look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Boonpai Sukkertrap