Novel Race

King’s Regatta, Phuket,Thailand, 4-11 December, 2010.

With only one dead through inhaling his own vomit (officially, a heart attack) the King’s Regatta was not only a great event but a wow of a party, according to participating yachties from as far away as Canada. However, the extra, unscheduled race that took place in a gale on the last day proved to be a tough one.

Sponsored by Shaky Beer Company, the aim of the race was to get yachts and crews as near to Kuhn (Mrs) Pun’s Beach-Side Beer and Sandwich Bar as possible. Billed as a novelty event it ran true to form and the results were novel.

Khun Pun’s bar is midway along one of Kata’s magnificent arched beaches, infamous for deadly surf and powerful undertow, and a well known watering hole for those who can’t afford to stay at Club Med or use their facilities. So, for the race to end at Khun Pun’s place was a bit of coup, a welcome end to a quiet trading period but a busy time for paramedics.

With the surf pounding away, the flotilla of racing yachts set off in the driving gale. Pennants flapping faster than a humming bird's wings, some reached record speeds. Especially the catamarans. Some skippers, suspecting the worst, turned back. Others couldn’t make up their minds and turned back too late. Sideways on, sails now controlled by nature instead of by beefy crew members, they were blown off course.

One headed north and missed the rendezvous at Khun Pun’s by 500 metres. Called Bees K-nees Diver, it dived too steeply, smashed it’s keel and ended up parked on it’s side. Laughing hysterically, the crew scampered away and haven't been seen since. Also having drifted too far north, Miss Sy Gone made a brave effort after narrowly missing a large tree. Her crew seemed in with a chance as they abandoned ship and split for the bar.

To the south of Khun Pun’s place, other yachts made an even bigger splash of it. Three of them plowed into the beach with such force that they found themselves wedged firmly in the sand (and may be moored there for some time).

The catamarans were the clear winners. Arriving on the beach at a high rate of knots, they were perfectly lined up with Khun Pun, rather than her place. Like two wartime Marine Commando vessels, they scythed through the sand and headed straight for her. It was a close call but Yellow Peril nailed the result by a short, snappy spinnaker.

The skipper called out, “Fifteen Shakies” (beers) and Khun Pun set ‘em up. As most of the yachties were drinking to forget, it was going to a long night. A photo taken by Khun Pun shows Yellow Peril nestling amongst her beach furniture. ‘He came so close, so fast, that I thought it was a hostile takeover bid. But high season arrives next week and I would have said no. Or, maybe.’

The booby prize went to a local yacht that ended up about 600 metres south of the bar. Dismasted and looking like a HMS Victory after the Battle of Trafalgar, the crew offered no explanation other than, ‘Before the race started we were smashed.’ They were disqualified and have since filed a protest. When morning revealed the carnage, the Thai flag was still flying from their yardarm.

‘Damn fine effort,’ according to Commander ‘Dopey’ Dave Lifebuoy, the race organizer, who phoned from Bali. (Well, he said he was in Bali.) When asked if the event will be included officially, as a permanent fixture of the King’s Regatta, he replied, ‘Gotta go, mate. I’m wanted in Darwin.’